Friday, February 8, 2013

Welcome to CEWTNK's First Toy Party Featuring The Cabal of Hotness

Good Evening and Welcome to The Dungeon’s first annual toy party!!!  You all know me ;) I have it all!  Considering I have 12 layers slathered with paranormal men of ALL kinds…you have to keep things exciting….Immortals tend to become bored..I mean truly after 1000s of years…What is new?  Besides your partner that is.  Our first 50 human guest receive a cute little gift bags that Lucifer helped me design.  He specified humans only…so it probably contains a soul snatcher or two.  The good thing is you’ll have the best fulfillment of your life before you lose your soul.  That’s worth it right?  I've let a few of the authors out of there cag…err….rooms so they can socialize with their own kind for a while.  I have invited Danica back here with high hopes she can add to my collection down here.  Last time she was here she brought me a Minotaur which was SOOOOOOOOO much fun, even though I've noticed she is becoming more partial to kitties and bears.   Woo…maybe she has a saber tooth shifter…I haven’t seen one of those yummies in a few centuries.  They have the most delightful tongues.  Before this party gets rolling, I want to talk to the Cabal authors about their new book.  They are taking writing in a new direction…lol which definitely spanked my funny bone.  The toy tables are set up to the right, which include my latest and greatest about how to get your torture on, along with some of my own kinky creations.  There will be demonstrations throughout the night, but be careful who you watch.   I have some mezmars and smoke demons in here that LOVE humans.  They won’t eat you… the literal sense anyway.  Good Evening ladies!!!  I've cleared a table over here that is nicely warded to everything except my spiders.  They shouldn't be around too much…Eldar and Damien have too many treats splayed out to tempt the away from our human guests.  I’m so glad you could make the party!  Danica is a regular down here and she always brings the most interesting friends with her! Can I get you a drink?
Danica: Jack and Coke please. Tall. Although I probably shouldn’t drink anything around this group of ladies. The last time I did that, I nearly licked a man’s back.
Piper: Bud Light and keep ‘em coming. I’ll be lucky if I get out of here with my soul. Or my dignity. Or my panties.
Amy: I would like a Diet Coke with ice. Unfortunately, no alcohol for me. Though I severely miss my Long Island Iced Teas. I like things that are long. ;-)
Lea: Oh, I think I’ll go light just in case I have to be the DD or get them *pointing at the girls* out of jail. A glass of Riesling, please.
Cassandra (Mistress Hotness): I’d love a drink. I spend way more money when I’m drunk, so you might want to keep ‘em coming. Stoli Cosmo, please.
Anya: Rum please! Preferably Appleton Estate VX, with a splash of pineapple juice. Don’t give any to Glacial Hotness though, she’ll get silly!
Griffin: Moscato does my body good.

I’ve saved you a little treat bag from the collection along with a sample from the toy box in the middle.  If you pass it around you can pick out a box.  We will all open it at the end of the interview to see, not only what level you get to go to…but the toy you get to try out!!

So tell me a little about your story in this book.
Danica: My story is about Holly Thomas, an independent woman who always gets her cookie. That’s an orgasm for those who were unaware. When she meets Cade Kincaid, sexy billionaire, she thinks she’s found the perfect man. And she has. Sort of. Except for one teeny-tiny detail *holds two fingers close together*
Piper: Slave to the Sausage tells the story of Emily Justasalad, a woman struggling to stay true to the newest diet craze—the M&M diet. But in this case, M&M stands for meat and men, and Emily must abstain from both. She is not very good at this, and when the five gorgeous Broadshaft Brothers who own the local pizza shop mistakenly bring Emily an extra-large sausage instead of the veggie pizza she ordered, the hottest diet fail in history ensues.
Amy: My story is about a mute virgin werewolf who meets his virgin fated mate. He needs her to pop his cherry to break the curse of his silence, which proves to be difficult since all he does is growl.
Lea: Mine is about a spinsterish woman, Missy, who happens to be abducted by a very sexy, very sexual alien. She’s perfectly happy to give up her life and her planet to become a sex slave to her triple cocked space lover.
Cassandra: My story is a Fifty Shades of Grey spoof AND a spoof on those guys who can orgasm over and over no matter what age they are. I made “Grey Christian” forty-eight years old, and yet still able to orgasm a dozen times a night. Quite a feat.
Cristal: My girlie, Ravyn, has a little bit of trouble with the peen. Yes, you read that write. Sadly, she suffers from penis anxiety and faints dead away whenever she see’s one. She’s tried it all to get over this little phobia, err BIG phobia :) and as a last resort she goes to a male stripper joint. Landon is gifted and his reputation precedes him, so Ravyn sets herself on a path to receive a lap dance from Landon and survive it!
Anya: What happens when a man who believes he’s a Dom is attracted to and actually has a sexual encounter with a real one? *shakes head* It’s not pretty…although it is hot.
Sasha: Heather is a virgin who believes her first time will be like all the perfection found in her favorite romance novels and movies. Brand is the rough around the edges lover that shows her that the best things sometimes come in ridiculous packages.
Griffin: My story is a spoof on the whole alien coming to Earth and claiming a life mate. My hunky alien hero Man’Darin, is from the planet De’Lorian. He’s hot, muscular, has captivating crimson eyes and teeth that shine bright and yellow under the fluorescent bathroom lights. To Beyonce (Elnora) my heroine, Man’Darin’s claiming comes right on time. Life here on Earth has taken a downward spiral, leaving Beyonce running into Man’Darin’s arms.

Who is your favorite character in the book?
Probably Elnora from Mate’s Desire in Fondled and Gobbled: Going Back for Seconds. I think I almost peed myself laughing at her story.
Piper: Hands down, Grey Christian from Wild Fantasy Hero in Fondled and Gobbled: Someone Had To Do It. Read it and you’ll know why.
Amy: Hands down my mute werewolf, Wulfe. It was fun having a sexy hero talk like Scooby Doo. Ruh Roh!
Lea: I’m going to second Danica. Elnora from Mate’s Desire in Fondled and Gobbled: Going Back for Seconds is my favorite.
Cassandra: In the entire first volume of Fondled and Gobbled? Oh wow. Probably the guy with the three cocks whose spunk tastes like caramel. Who wouldn’t want that?
Cristal: I like the hecklers in the book, even though they take a back seat, they rev things up a little bit. But Ravyn is great. She’s trying so damn hard to keep it together and keeps setting herself up for problems.
Anya: I love both my guys, but I have to admit to a sneaky love for Jace…he’s so out there! How can you not love a man who wears fuzzy sweaters and boots with heels higher than Prince’s?
Sasha: Hands down Brand McNally. I’ve never written someone so outrageous.
Griffin: Beyonce, hands down. She’s spunky and will do anything to make a come up in her life, even if it means she has to leave Earth to do it!

You guys seem to be pretty excited to be working together…Will there be more in the future?
Danica: Of course! We actually already started work on another set of spoofs…and more after that…and after that. Well, you get the idea. I like to say there’s far too much ridiculousness in the world not to make fun of it all.
Piper: Oh yes. I mean, at least until we’re banned for life by the International Smut-writing Federation from collaborating anymore.
Amy: These gals are the best. They’re hilarious. I think it’s safe to say there’ll be more in the future. We seem to keep coming up with more. LOL
Lea: God, yes. These women are hilarious! But, we aren’t limiting our awesomeness to spoofs. *grinning* Although, I can promise that there are more on the way already.
Cassandra: Yep. *evil cackle* You haven’t seen the last of the Cabal. Not by a long shot…
Cristal: Absolutely! We have another set of stories all finished, which will be equally, if not more, funny and outlandish.  And we’re even thinking further down the road.
Anya: Man, we’re beating each other off with sticks now…It’s not a question of will there be more, just when, and what?
Sasha: I love these girls. We’re a talent group and we’ve got a few things we’re brewing for later this year.
Griffin: Yes! We’re already working on the next round of spoofs.

So take a look around the room and tell me which yummy would you choose to take for the night? There is every paranormal creature housed here that you could imagine, and for the ones you can’t I have shape-shifting demons that take care of that.  They can look like anyone you want.
Danica: Ooh, I think I need the Cyborg…I think I have enough Cajun spice to thaw even the chilliest personalities. And even better that he looks like a combination of Richard Armitage in The Hobbit (not in height) and Gerard Butler in 300. Rowr.
Piper: I definitely need the most gorgeous vampire in the place—someone dark and brooding. I don’t care if he sparkles—we won’t be going outside much. No werewolves for me. I tried that once and it took me weeks and a twelve-pack of lint-rollers to get rid of all that dog hair.
Amy: Definitely a shifter for me. I have a soft spot for them. Especially bears.
Lea: Mmm… I am so partial to vampires that I think a little blood-letting is in order. There’s something so sexy about fangs.
Cassandra: I think my fellow Cabalites would tell you who I would pick someone to look like, but I’m not going to give it away here. We don’t want anyone thinking I’m a stalker. I’m totally not. I just wanna do real bad things to him, which, of course, would feel sooooo good. And he’s a cyborg.
Cristal: Ohh geez, how do you choose?  Oh, is that a Predator over there? Lurking all dangerous and sexy in the rafters? I love how they become invisible and shimmer ever so slightly, letting you know they are still there. I do have a thing for them and never ever thought I would see one in real life!  I thought they were only in the movies. Can I have him?
Anya: I’ll take the tall, slightly surly-looking satyr at the bar. No, not that one…his cock is too small. The one beside him with the extra-long tail. I hear they can do veeery interesting things with those whisky tails.
Sasha: I like that one – he tells me he’s a Gryffin and who can resist a man with wings?!
Griffin: My eyes wander around the room, scanning past anything too frightening and scary looking. Finally I spot him. Yes, him. The guy standing alone in the corner watching me just as I’m watching him. He’s dark, maybe Italian or of Middle Eastern decent? His hair is cut moderately short. His dark eyes are watching my every move. His nose is narrow and aristocratic, his lips are nice and luscious. His pullover hugs the muscles in his chest and accentuates his flat abdomen. His jeans are hanging low on his hips and loose over muscular thighs. That’s who I want.

Its Reveal Time!!  What was in your box and what level will you be visiting?

Danica: I had a pair of handcuffs in my box. *innocent whistle* I’m not saying who is going to be wearing it, but I’d love to give it a whirl. With my cyborg heh. In the…well, hell we’re going to try the playroom. If any demons want to join in who look like Vin Diesel in Pitch Black, come to mama.
Piper: There’s rope in mine. Like lots of rope. Wow, it just keeps coming! (that’s what she said) I’m going straight to the demon levels. I’m Naughty Hotness…was there ever a question? Tie me up, render me helpless, and then just toss me in there with them. But make sure to give me a safe-word that demons will understand! Oh, and remind the other ladies not to leave without me!
Amy: Silk ties. Sometimes those bears like to be dominated.
Lea: Oh. *blushing* Well, seems I’m going to be clipped. *lifting items from the box* Nipple clamps with a chain. *mumbling* Guess I didn’t need to bring mine.
Cristal: A blindfold and I’m going in the Playroom with my predator and a black satin blindfold.  We could have a whole lot of fun together and you know, he does have some fun futuristic attachments that could be very intriguing.
Cassandra: Ooh, it’s a butt plug! I think my sexy cyborg will enjoy this.
Anya: Holy stocks-and-chains! I didn’t know crystal dildos came that lifelike…
Sasha: Uh I pulled out a chain mail bustier.....we're going to play Sexy Knight vs. Naughty Gryffin. We're going to go to the playroom level.
Griffin: I have a glass filled with life giving nectar that when I drink it, will make my body strong enough to enjoy any and everything the Lower level God has planned for me.

LMAO!  A big thank you to all you Hot ladies for joining in the party:)  We are going to go make our rounds but wanted to leave you with a peek at their newest smash:

The perfect man—with the imperfect cock and oral skills. The Dom who isn’t a dom, and the man who proves it to him. The alien with dessert-flavored semen and three cocks. The older man (a kajillionaire with a penthouse in Seattle…) who has limitless ability to come all night with his naïve little virgin. A woman on a diet who craves a feast of meat and finds herself five Broadshaft Brothers who can deliver.

If you’re looking for the perfect romance with the perfect hero and heroine, this isn’t it! This is a series of spoofs, parodies, just-for-fun lighthearted take-offs. It’s for all us longtime, hard-core romance readers who can laugh at the clichés, purple prose and “suspend your disbelief” plot devices that haunt our beloved favorite genre.


Cassandra Carr said...

The girls brought it, as usual. Thanks for having us!

Danica Avet said...

I'd forgotten most of the did I manage that?? and I wonder if Piper managed to keep her panties.


Amy Ruttan said...

LOL! Thanks for having us! :)

Cristal Ryder said...

This was fun! Reading all our warped thoughts :)

Anya Richards said...

I'm surprised your blog didn't explode from the crazy when you posted this! Thanks for having us, and taking the chance. The party was a blast.

Mel Bourn said...

That was one of the best posts I have seen in a long time :) I got a few looks from laughing so hard. That was great.

Kerry Pacious said...

Thank you ladies! I enjoyed your post! Warmed me up in the middle of this blizzard!

ilona said...

Loved reading that interview and about the book. Soo going to buy that for a giggle to cheer me up at any time :D

Lexi H said...

Holy toledo, that was a fun post! Had me laughing =) Every girl needs some fun toys up her sleeve...or skirt. Hehehe.

Lola Thomas said...

I loved this post; I was hopping by; just had to comment!

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