Why do I write BDSM romance? Not only is it hot as hell, but it’s a secret vice that many women keep from their partners, but it doesn’t need to be. In every one of my BDSM stories I write about women that somehow find the courage to go after what they want in the bedroom, and though it’s not always easy going, it is worth it in the end. But I try to keep it somewhat realistic(ish) so my readers can see themselves in the relationships I write about. What do I mean? Well, for example, here is what I DON’T write. ;)
Ginger plucked at the slight crease in her sumptuous white silk negligee and peeked through her obscenely long lashes at her man. “Oh Reginald, there is something I wish to ask of you.”
Reginald’s perfect lips shaped themselves into a perfect smile of perfect understanding. “What is it my little sugar booger?”
Ginger twirled a strand of her hair, the color of a blazing orange sunset mixed with the blood of martyrs and the dreams of a child’s imagination. “I would like…I want…”
Reginald’s rowdy member stirred. “Yes, my little kitten butthole, what is it? You have but to ask.”
Flushing hot enough to melt the makeup off her face, Ginger stared at him with her purple eyes, so purple that they made purple look pink. “Reginald, I want you to tie me up, cover me in bacon grease, stuff my ass full of truffles, and dress up like a pig so you can root me.”
Reginald swallowed hard, tears shimmering in his steely iron metallic blue gaze. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Now, somewhere in the real world many women, my readers included, are facing scenarios like this:
Mary looked over at her husband of twenty years, Bob, and decided that since they were both sitting down and watching the football game now was the time to have ‘the talk’ with him. She’d made him all of his favorite snacks to get him in the mood and even now he made grunts of pleasure as he devoured her seven layer dip. Screwing up her courage, she took a deep breath looked at her husband.
“Bob,” Mary asked, a slight catch in her voice.”
“Grunt,” replied Bob.
“Bob, I wanted to ask you something.”
“Do you, that is…well…I’ve wanted this so much for so long.”
Bob leaned forward a look of intense concentration on his face as the last few minutes of the game ticked by.
“Bob, would you please tie me up and ravish me? Maybe a little spanking and, if you’re okay with it, some nipple clamps?”
Bob erupted from the couch, cheering as he did a victory dance with her special secret sauce chicken wing grasped in his meaty hand. “Yes, yes, yessssssss!!!”
Mary, overcome with emotion for her beloved mate, blinked her eyes to clear the tears burning there. “Oh, Bob, thank you, thank you so much.”
Bob flopped back on the couch and looked over at her, licking a stray bit of sauce from his fingers. “What are you talking about?”
Mary let the tears flow as she ate another chicken wing.
Ok, so maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but you get my point. While we’d all love to ask our mates to do all the naughty things we crave, the actual act of asking them can easily paralyze us with fear. Our smooth, carefully rehearsed speech ends up being some stuttering, babbling, seizure inducing exercise in extreme embarrassment. That is if we can even utter the words, many of us would just sit there and stare.
When I write BDSM I try to keep it realistic, but also with a big dose of romance magic. Kind of a blend of the two scenarios above…minus the Fabio hair. In my contemporary BDSM romance I write about the kind of people that you would meet, ordinary people with flaws and bumps who still manage to find their HEA. If their HEA happens to include being tied up and beat like a piñata with a silk flogger, well who am I to argue with the people in my head.
Let me let you in on a little secret. If you want your relationship to last, you have to be honest with your partner about you desires. You have to communicate with them. Even if the thought of talking about sex with your lover makes you want to drink a big Valium and Vodka tonic you owe it to yourself to get over it. You are a grown(ish) woman who isn’t afraid(much) of what the world thinks of you and you know(kinda) that you won’t be labeled with a scarlet S(or would it be W for whore) for asking your partner to try new things with you.
If the thought of indulging in some BDSM with your lover is what gets your motor running that doesn’t make you a deviant or a bad person. Now say that out loud. Now believe it.
BDSM is just another facet of human sexuality, another way to play with your lover. It can be as hard or as soft as you want and you don’t have to jump right in and expect your lover to know what to do with that flogger and car battery. You can start slow, explore together, and find out if it works for you.
Your man wants to know what you want. He wants to please you. He wants to be the man that makes you scream and sing the star spangled banner while you come. However, he isn’t a sexual psychic. You have to give him a bit of a clue. Here are some ways that you can start a conversation with your lover about trying out some D/s in your bedroom.
1) Start out slow. During lovemaking, when everyone is feeling frisky, whisper into his ear that you’d like to tie him up, or that you’d like him to tie you up. Tying up your lover is what is seen as a ‘normal’ kink’, not something most people would freak out over. Pull out some silk scarves or ropes(curtain ties make great bondage toys) and go to town. Make sure you show him with your body and tell him how much you love this, how much it turns you on, and show him how good it can be.
2) Shop for some toys together. Get him an online gift certificate. Subtly guide him to the BDSM gear and pick out a pair of Velcro restraints, or a pretty pair of nipple clamps. Make it fun, make it enjoyable, and be enthusiastic. It’s ok to laugh at some of the merchandise, sex is funny! Make him feel comfortable and that will help you feel comfortable.
3) Leave him naughty notes under his pillow. You can start out small like requesting that he kiss your neck and work your way up to asking him to spank you. This way you don’t have to look him in the face when you ask and it may allow you to be a little bit bolder than usual.
4) Pick your favorite erotica and read it to him. Sit on his lap and make it sexy for him, maybe wear something cute so you feel confident as well. Tell him how much this turns you on, how you pictured doing this with him, and how good it would feel for both of you. For your first time I would avoid any scenes with pain play. It has been drilled into most men’s heads that they should never, ever, ever hit a woman so reading him a scene with pain play might not be the best way to ease him into it. Men and their egos are delicate creatures, handle with care.
In my book ‘Ivan’s Captive Submissive’ Gia has taken the first steps towards the sex life she’s always wanted. She has to deal with her own ‘good girl guilt’ over liking some of the really, really naughty things that her hot Russian Dom, Ivan, wants to do to her. Which is something I believe a lot of people deal with. The BDSM experiences Ivan gives Gia are on the more extreme end on the scale, but I write it in a way that, hopefully, lets the reader see that even though from the outside this may look super uber duber kinky, that Ivan and Gia are they are still just two people falling in love. I hope I gave you some ideas about how to approach your lover and ask for what you want. Be brave, be strong, and go after what you want!
Ivan's Captive Submissive
Heat Level: Erotic w/ heavy BDSM elements
Contemporary BDSM Romance
Coming November 19th, 2013 from Fated Desires Publishing
When Gia Lopez signs up for the Submissive's Wish Charity Auction she has no idea that she's about to be bought by a Russian Dom who will do anything to make her fantasies come true. Including staging an elaborate kidnapping that Gia believes is real. Ivan is instantly drawn to Gia and he wants to be the best Master she's ever had. As he spends time with Gia he begins to have intense feelings for the strong, independent, and sexy American woman. He's only won a week of her service but wishes to keep her forever.
Unaware of Ivan’s true feelings, Gia fights her growing emotional attachment to him. All she wants is to settle down with a nice Dom in the United States, continue her career, and live a normal life. However, Ivan sets a plan into motion that will push Gia to all of her limits and take her on a global journey of self-discovery, extreme pleasure, and love.
Warning: Contains Erotic Spanking, Subspace, f/f situations, a devastatingly sexy Dom who knows what he wants, and a submissive who just might be ready to give him what he needs.
About the Author
Ann is Queen of the Castle to her wonderful husband and three sons in the mountains of West Virginia. In her past lives she's been an Import Broker, a Communications Specialist, a US Navy Civilian Contractor, a Bartender/Waitress, and an actor at the Michigan Renaissance Festival. She also spent a summer touring with the Grateful Dead-though she will deny to her children that it ever happened.
MORE ABOUT ANN:
From a young age she's been fascinated by myths and fairytales, and the romance that often was the center of the story. As Ann grew older and her hormones kicked in, she discovered trashy romance novels. Great at first, but she soon grew tired of the endless stories with a big wonderful emotional buildup to really short and crappy sex. Never a big fan of purple prose, throbbing spears of fleshy pleasure and wet honey pots make her giggle, she sought out books that gave the sex scenes in the story just as much detail and plot as everything else-without using cringe worthy euphemisms. This led her to the wonderful world of Erotic Romance, and she's never looked back.
Now Ann spends her days trying to tune out cartoons playing in the background to get into her 'sexy space' and has learned to type one handed while soothing a cranky baby.