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Thursday, April 26, 2012

Giveaway in Honor of Meira

Today I have Jason back with me, even though his heart is encompassed with sadness for his loss.  He wanted to come here and take a moment to express his pain and in honor of Meira offer 10 copies to 10 different commenters of his book.  Check out Jason's books here: http://closeencounterswiththenightkind.blogspot.com/2012/04/giveaway-and-guest-post-with-my.html


It's never easy when a loved one passes away.  They say time heals wounds, but honestly, the pain of loss never truly heals entirely.



On April 23 2012, a creature that I called my "daughter," (who would have been 10 years old on May 29th) was taken from us. Her name was Meira.  She was half husky, one-quarter german shepherd, one quarter lab, and one heck of a character I'll never forget!



For those of you out there who are animal lovers, you know exactly what I mean when I say we recognize our pets as members of our family, and also their personalities—and let me tell you, Meira most defiantly had hers.  So, if you would please, take a few minutes to read my tribute for my Meira, (and also comment).  It would be most appreciated.



So here we are, my wife—(fiancĂ©e at the time) and I, seeking out Meira's place of birth, just after we saw the flyer at this little gas station in Selkirk, New York.  I had called the number on the flyer and had talked with the guy, asking him for directions.  Eventually, we pull up the long driveway, notice a large fancy house with about two acres of beautiful open grassland, and even a couple of purebreds wandering about. (I forget the actual breed, so, let us just call them grey hounds).



"Ooo! Looks like they have lots of dogs around here!" I had said to my wife, excited.  Remember, we were going there expecting to see a Husky and a german shepherd/lab Mix strolling about.  We knock on the door, a man comes out, and of course we tell him we're there to pick up the puppy. He calls the owner on the phone, talks with her a bit, and then hangs up and tells us she's on her way.  I look at him and say, "I guess I must have talked with the husband a little while ago."  He smiles, and for about five minutes we have small talk, and I eventually grow bored (as Darshun does in my Guardian of the Seventh Realm series whenever small talk arises), and I finally ask, "so, where are the puppies?"



He answers, "She'll show them to you when she gets here."



I say, "I see she has a couple of types of dogs besides a husky and a shepherd mix."



He tilts his head and comments, "She owns Husky, only grey hounds.”



That was when Melissa and I realized that we were at the wrong house—all that time! And here the owner left work, and is on her way home, and probably expecting to be getting a thousand dollars or more from another customer, when all we were looking for was a "mutt." *laughs*



So after an apology, and of course getting the heck out of there before the owner arrived, I called the number on the flyer once again to ask for directions…once again. I felt like an idiot, but getting our puppy was worth the embarrassment.  Once there, and cruising up the driveway, we were relieved to see the mother husky strolling around the yard.  Yes, we had made it to the right house this time.  *smiles*



It was a type of farmhouse, and to be honest, neither my wife nor myself cared much for the owners.  They had a bit of a cold aura, but maybe they were just having a bad day. Anyhow, they bring all of the puppies out, and the little things were all running around and playing, all except for this one tiny black and tan pup.  Abandoning her siblings, she alone strolled over to my wife and licked her face.  Immediately, Melissa said, "I want this one!"  Welcome home, my Meira.



Away in the car we went, and as every puppy does (every puppy I’ve ever known), she cried, obviously missing her siblings and her mommy, and now in a strange environment. She calmed down after a little while.  I remember taking her to PetSmart, putting her in a shopping cart, as we strolled around getting her toys, treats and puppy food. Then we took her to my job site at the time.  It was a brand new neighborhood being built, and for fun I showed my wife the inside of an unfinished—yet safe to walk into—three-story house.  We went inside with Meira, sat, and talked about her, and also to her.  I can still clearly see little Meira in my wife's arms as Melissa was sitting.  We were very happy.  And to finish up this little story, we stopped at McDonalds on the way home, and bought her a plain hamburger.  She wouldn't touch the bread, but she did gobble up the meat. *laughs*



Meira was definitely her own character (as all animals are), but she made us all laugh. She insisted on taking walks—whether I walked her or not.  Everyday after work when I would come home, and let her out, she'd get all excited, jump on Fawn (my shepherd/golden retriever mix), then she'd go potty, and slowly wander down the hillside of the yard.  Eventually, all you could see would be her big fluffy husky tail wagging, and slowly disappearing out of site.  Then she’d make a run for it before I could get her back, whipping through the tree lines and into the woods she would go, and always return from the opposite side of our house, about twenty minutes later, wanting her supper.  I always wondered about her little adventures, what she saw...where she went, etc.  Sometimes she’d come back muddy and drenched, no doubt took a swim in the little shallow stream.



She loved the outdoors.  She loved my wife's pet rats, and would even growl at the cats if they came near them, as if she was their protector. I think the thing she'd cherished most was her love of food.  She'd eat every single scrap in her bowl. She'd even try and sneak the leftovers in the bowls of the other dogs, and when we'd catch her we'd shout, "Meira! Get out of there!"  She'd start eating and gobbling up that food so fast, until it was either gone—gobble up by her, or taken away by us.  She just loved to snoop around for scraps of human and/or cat food also.  I even caught her on all fours walking on my parent’s kitchen table when she was about 3 months old, looking for food.  As she got older she was getting a little tubby, no, a little too tubby that I had to put her on a diet.  She lost a little weight, and then I put her back on regular food, she gained the weight back, and also additional weight (of course me feeding her table scraps every other night couldn't have helped, but hey, it made her happy), and so back on the weight management food she'd go.  She especially loved bones. Every now and again I would get her the beef bones with the marrow in the middle, and every late winter, after deer hunting season would end, she'd return out of the woods with a deer leg.  One time she returned with what looked like a deer spine, LMAO!  I never took it away.  She loved it too much.



I also called her my "Lovey Dovey," because of how she'd mush or snuggle her head against you, or against the floor while you'd pet her, (and God forbid if you stopped, because she would immediately look up at you as if to say, "more pets, daddy! More pets!"), or she’d give me a hug by jumping onto me and gently kissing me.  That's the thing about her, she was big, solid and tubby, but she was gentle. You never had to be afraid of her taking your hand off when sharing people food with her. She'd always take it so gentle.



Probably the funniest thing she had ever done (besides chewing away the ONE branch that my nephew was holding on to from keeping himself from sliding down a snow covered hillside one winter) was a time when my father-in-law Baxter was burning the brush in early spring.  Meira, and her love for sticks, walked up to the pile, reached down, and picked up the lower end of a five or six-foot branch—while the rest of it was enflamed!  I admit, while I was nervous, I also laughed my arse off as she strolled around the yard with it, looking ever so happy, as if to say, “daddy, look at what I got!”



She also definitely had that stubbornness of the husky in her. She, in a way, was her own boss. You’d tell her to “come,” she’d just look at you, look another direction, look at you again, and then either listen (after she had made the decision to listen), or run or even walk off!  Talk about adding insult to injury against me.  Then she’d come back looking ever so happy.  God, do I miss my Meira dearly.



Want to why we named her “Meira?” Funny thing is, before we had gotten her, my wife and I used to play an online game together called “Dark Ages.” Our characters in the game were dating one another.  We’d go on our little adventures, chopping down monsters and leveling up our powers.  My dude’s name was “Chevron.” Pretty horrible, right?  My wife’s name was “Meira,” and both of us really liked that name.  And as we were driving away with her from her previous owners, both of us thought she looked like a “Meira.”  Although I must say, we didn’t play Dark Ages that much after that. Part of the reason was I was growing bored with it, but also the concept of me “dating” a Meira was...well, a bit weird. *laughs*



Her nick name became “Wall” because it flowed with “Meira Meira, on the wall,” but mostly because she was solid like a brick wall.  If she wanted out of her kennel, she would find a way out.  If she wanted out of her harness—no matter how well-equipped it was attached, she found a way out.  If she wanted the cat food, she’d break through the “barricade” I would sometimes make, whenever I wasn’t looking.



Now, on to the part that is not so humorous.  Last week, I noticed she was acting strange.  She wouldn’t touch her food, which was not like our Meira.  She also looked like she was in discomfort.  I gave her a couple of chunks of my chinese food to see if she would eat it, and she did, immediately, and happily.  So I thought, maybe she is tired of the Taste of the Wild: Salmon I had been feeding her.  The next day I came home with Buffalo Blue Chicken and Brown Rice, Weight Management, and she ate it, like normal, and even looked around for scraps of food in the kitchen, like she’d normally do, with her love of food.  But I decided to take her to the vet anyway. The vet checked her out, and said that now that she is getting older, she’s probably developing arthritis in her legs (which would explain her limping, and slower movement within this last year).  They gave her her kennel cough shot, and lyme vaccination, then we left.  On the way home we stopped and got her a dish of soft vanilla ice cream.  She lapped it up, happily.  Everything seemed fine.  She appeared a bit peppier as the weekend went by, and my wife and I even shaved her, as we do ever spring because of her thick fur and her hate of summer’s heat.



Then on Monday, April 23 2012, after work, I go into our house, while my wife retrieves the dogs.  As Meira strolled outside from the basement/garage of my in-law’s raised ranch, she just fell over.  Melissa screamed for me. I looked out the window, and saw Meira on the grass, and I knew—by the look on Meira’s face—that something was seriously wrong.  I ran outside and went to her.  She was shivering, and was having trouble breathing.  Wasting no time, I picked her up by myself—never minding the fact that she’s 107 pounds and could’ve hurt my back, placed her in the car, and we rushed to the vet on an emergency call.



The vet found that her blood pressure and temperature were dangerously low, and found a lot of fluid built up in her belly.  I helped the lady carry Meira into the x-ray room, and in a few minutes, we discovered that she had an enlarged heart, with fluid around it, and also backing into her belly, from what I can remember.  Just about this whole time I was in shock.  Everything was happening so fast, and unexpectedly.  The doctor said there was still a chance for her to live, perhaps a week, a month, or possibly another year. They gave her lasix, in hopes to drain the fluid, and then planned on putting her on meds to continuously help keep the fluid out.  But...Meira knew.  Our Meira knew it was her time.



She wasn’t nervous. She wasn’t frightened, not even of the shots they were giving her. She looked at me, I at her, and she kissed me on my lips with her wet tongue.  I had been petting her, spilling my tears onto the back of her head, kissing her head, hoping it wasn’t the end, but...she knew it was her time. Still, hoping for a miracle, we decided to leave her there over night, hoping she’d pull through, as the vets would watch her. I gave her my brown flannel—a flannel I really loved, and one that looked good on me.  I left it with her so she’d have my scent over the night.  Kissing the top of her head one last time, I said, “I love you.  I always have.  And I always will.”  We started walking out. I turned around to look at her one last time, she looked directly at me, again having that peaceful and calm expression, and then she glanced upward at something. I don’t know what, but something caught her eye. I turned around and we left.



We get home, and almost immediately my wife has the sudden urge to go back.  Then the phone rings.  It is the vet.  Meira passed away about 15 minutes after we had gone.  She was the type who, if she had gotten the chance, she would have wandered into the woods to find a place to die.  Both Melissa and I, in our tears, knew she did not want us to see her pass away, so we believe she held on as long as she could, until she knew for certain that we had gone, and then...she let go.  We went back to the vet to see her body, and say goodbye one final time.  We even took her sissy Fawn with us so she could see her body, and say goodbye also.  We decided to get Meira cremated, so her ashes can always be with us, wherever we go.  And I asked the vet to please leave my brown flannel with her, to get cremated with her as well.



I must say, I have had uncles pass, and other pets and animals too, but...Meira’s passing has been the hardest pain of loss I have ever felt.  When you’re a child (at least for me this is true), and the pet that your parents get you eventually passes away, you cry, of course you do.  But when I became an adult, and chose to bring Meira home as a member of our family, where I was the one responsible for her health, to keep her up to date with her shots, to feed her and the like, well, that bond for me was so immensely deep.  She wasn’t my “flesh and blood” daughter, no, but she was my “daughter,” if you catch my meaning, and I’m sure you do. It is so difficult—so difficult! coming home from work now, and not having our Meira here to greet us, to jump on Fawn, and then run off for her walk, only to come back to eat and lay with the rest of her pack, her family.  It’s so difficult seeing her fur still on draped over the grass from when we had shaved her this past weekend.  It’s so difficult seeing her food bowl still on the floor in the kitchen, and looking in the places where she would often lay down in our house, and not see her there now.



I know death is part of life.  It is a difficult part of life, one that we all will face.  And at the same time, it is, as I truly believe, a transition into the next realm of reality.  Yes, I do believe in an after life, even for animals, as silly as that may seem to people.  We are animals too, are we not?  Over the years I have read an “encyclopedia” of material about spiritualities and the universe, and I’ve experienced many inspiring and strange events and feelings.  I even witnessed an apparition when I was a child.  I remember it as clearly as this day.  Do I understand the afterlife, how it can be so?  I do not. Perhaps one day, when we have the proper tools and technology, it could be explained in a scientific matter, as we unlock the many mysteries of this strange, phenomenal universe we exist in, and also the energy of it.



I believe Meira is in another place now, a realm of infinite possibilities, containing all that one needs in order to be happy, docile, and satisfied.  I believe Meira is indeed at peace, and with a Higher Power.  And I believe that Melissa and I will see her again when it is our time to “transition” into that realm.



One last thing I’d like to say.  The fact that there is so much violence, death and darkness in this world...the fact that people commit such horrible crimes, to people, animals and nature Herself (something I bring forth in my novels), at the same time, there is good in this world.  When Meira was a puppy, and I was outside with her under the stars of nightfall, I remember looking down at her while she was looking up at me, and I thought, "she's so beautiful...adorable. She's a tubby little thing, who likes to eat, but she's happy. And I know there are thousands of dogs out there who either get abused, or abandoned and/or euthanized.  I wish I could save them all.  I really wish that.  But if not, I saved one, I saved Meira. We gave her a home; she became part of our pack, our family...her family, and I will take care of her until the day she passes.”



I love you Meira, with all of my heart. I always have, and I always will, my “wall.”  We’ll see you when it’s our time.  :)


 


Meira Wall Baccaro



May 29 2002 – April 23 2012


Just comment below for your chance to win.  I'm so sorry for your loss Jason.  I have felt this type of pain too.

31 comments:

Jason W Baccaro said...

Thank you very much Nikki. This means a lot to me. And I know that you have felt this pain before too, as well as thousands of others. All of us animal lovers understand this pain.

Kassandra said...

So terribly sorry for your loss. My husband and I got a puppy early into our relationship. He was our first born in many ways. After 10 years we had to put him down due to being too ill. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

*hugs*

miki said...

I'm sure she loved you a lot and would not have wanted you too suffer that way, if she could she would have tried to fight for you, she was just too tired

i remember too when i went with my father to fecth my puppy. I had a dog before older than me and he died at 18year ( mutt power^^) and i was devastated i saw a place with a lot of dog near where i went to school and i trekked there hopping to see someone and ask because i didn't want to remplace my late dog but i needed the company and a lot of dogs was for me the opportunity of puppies too. There was nobody i went back to school ( school and i was sleeping there so no i wasn't missing any lessons) but i was afraid to miss them so i went back 2hper way finally i stopped in the middle of nowhere and started crying a woman came and asked me why i was there alone crying and i told her i was looking for my puppy to be. She was realy kind and told me not to worry and to go back home but took my phone.
It was friday so my father was coming to fetch me for the Wk andi had nearly forgotten the time of the day. I went but as soon as i was at home, my mother told me someone had called. The woman knew a woman who was working with another one who had a sister how had a dog care service that had a customer who had puppies. In less than 1hours she found what i was looking for.

My father went to see them they were 2days old so i couldn't of course take one yet but i could choose or i thought i was going too. there were 10 and the mother was a levrier( more than 1m high while sitting) she didn't want me to touch them or to approach but she looked at me a long time and then took one of the puppies ( the more fragile and small) and just let him fall like that. I was so afraid he was going to be hurt that i jumped on the floor to catch him....i guess it was a test but him i could pet him without growling the other one look and the growl was there. So my father said, if you want you can have him, if not we can keep looking. ( becaus ewe never ever have bought a dog so no profit from us) i was afraid some one was going to let him fall so i told me not she trust me with him.
I can't thanks her enough he is my treasure, he saved my life ( literaly) keep me to bed when i'm sick, lie with me if i need hope and confort and make my life way better.

It wasn't always easy, he had a heart problem and fluid in his lungs ( i have a lung problem too ^^;; and if we look carefully we have a lot in common like his mother knew i would understand and know what to do)he also had 1year ago a big big alert septysemie and i was so afraid, i took care of him at home and i was diligent with his medecine even if he was growling not wanting them and such but he was moving so i was so devastated and afraid because i'm not reading to loose him it took us 12days without eating except the medecine and petting , hope and prayer but one day he got up and asked for food. We are still afraid and monitor him but the vet finally told me she wasn't sure he wasn't going to make then it was only 5 or 10% for me so he is a fighter but i also know he did it for me too because he doesn't complain but i knew he was hurting so much and i don't wish that to anybody but i was egoistic too and he pulled through for that i'm really gratefuleven if i'm always wrorried something could still happen

Lisa Cox said...

I'm so sorry for Jason and his family's loss. I think most animal lovers know the feeling of losing one of their "kids." I have had to put way too many to sleep, and have had others die in my arms.
I try to remember the good times and the love we had for each other over the fear, heartache, and grief. Time does heal most things, but it seems to take forever when it comes to our "children."

ilona said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Over the years I too have lost family members of the furry variety and know how much it hurts.

ilona
felinewyvern at googlemail dot com

Lauren M. said...

I'm so so sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful girl. Just remember the good times with her and that she will always be in your heart. I have lost 2 dogs in my lifetime. I've been there. What a beautiful tribute for her!

Lauren

Jason W Baccaro said...

Thank you, Lauren, and also ilona and Lisa, Kassandra and miki (many thanks for sharing your story, miki).

I really really miss her, and I knew there would be people on here who can relate.

*hugs to everyone* :)

→Candace☮ said...

Sooooo sorry for your loss Jason :(

Chrisbails said...

I understand the loss of pets. I couple of years ago out dog had just had puppies. A couple of weeks after the puppies were born she had a seizure and died. Don't know why or how.(1 week before Christmas. We got this dog after we had our first miscarriage, kind of a replacement for the baby. Before she died we had her for 8 years. Our daughter was very sad, she was born the next year and she loved the dog. Sorry for your loss, she was a beautiful dog.
christinebails@yahoo.com

Jason W Baccaro said...

Thank you, Candace. And thank you also, Chrisibails, and I'm sorry for your loss as well.

As I'm sure you can tell about how authentic my tribute was...because it comes directly and 100% from my heart, I write my novels in the same way...straight from my heart. I'm very happy that a lot of readers comment on how one can easily relate to the crisis, trials and tribulations my characters face in my stories. Darshun, the Protagonist, is almost entirely a reflection of me, his thought process, and like me, and so many, he is deeply close to creation.

It really is difficult, losing one so close to your heart, and this was very unexpected, but still, it ended in a good way, because she did not suffer hardly at all, and she was ready, and in peace.

Mary @SweepingMe said...

Here's a story. I don't get to tell it often so bare with me....

When I was a kid my father was very abusive towards my mom and us kids. Four of us in all. Well, one day my dad up and left us. He took everything we had. Literally. Well Christmas was right around the corner. And my mom (bless her heart) thought we needed a dog. To kind of make up for our dad or lack there of. Obviously it doesn't, but to her it was to help us. My siblings and I are all about 2 years apart. Not that my mom was a saint don't get me wrong. But some how this is what she thought would be best. She got a puppy - with the prettiest reddish gold coat you would ever want to see, from a friend at a bar or who owned a bar something to that affect. And named the dog Brandy - (Champagne was the mother to the liter). We had that dog for 17 years. 17. He grew up with us, he was like our brother. I don't ever think I could love a dog like I loved that one. He was one of a kind. Now back when we got him it was the 80s so no laws on dogs walking free then. He roamed everywhere with us. Everyone on the block loved him. He was well known around town also. I don't think I will ever see another dog of his kind ever. I know your pain. I feel it even to this day.

My heart goes out to you.

Mary
mary_reiss @ hotmail.com

Jason W Baccaro said...

Thank you Mary, and thank you for your story. That must have been difficult, but I'm really happy you got to have your "brother." :)

Cynthia Jones said...

Hi Jason. The thing I like is that you shared this with us and let it out in the open. What hurts is that you are my friend and I am so sad for you and Melissa. I know how this feels.

I lost my Erie on Mother's Day 2010 and I am surrounded by cats today but I can not forget him no matter what. None of these cats can take his place or fill the void that is left in my heart.

He was a crazy cat. My husband and daughter were scared of him, but Erie was my best buddy. My hubby brought him to me one day as a surprise. Erie was just a baby kitten and beautiful. I tried to wash the pretty tan smudge on his face, thinking it was dirt at first. He was eleven years when he passed. He was sick and gone in one day. It was sudden and crushing.

Our vet was not one bit sympathetic or as wonderful to us as it sounds yours was with you. Loss is horrible in itself, but it helps when others can be a bit understanding about what you are feeling and going through. Love and support of one another is what this world needs. Our pets bring that to our lives without condition. They simply love us no matter what.

It is so good for you, to share it with those that love you and know what you are going through. I know I have been absent to you, but you are in my thoughts and prayers. Now and always.

I send light, love and hugs to you and Melissa at this terrible time and hope you both feel better with the sweet memories that you both will share forever remembering your beloved Meira.

Cynthia

Lexi H said...

I am thinking of you and your family. This post made me cry, tears running down my face. I know what it means to loos a four legged member of your family. And that was just the dog I grew up with at my parents home. Now that my husband and I have our own kids and our own four legged first baby I am way more attached to my husky than I ever. He truly is my first baby, and always will be. He is the first to greet me when I walk in the door, he sits by me and follows me around the house. He would always check on me when I was sick with morning sickness. All those hundreds of little moments that just melt your heart. Its hard to remember them and not feel the loss, but you can also be thankful for that deep emotion because you know the love went both ways.

Di said...

tears for Meira

Gabby said...

I'm truly sorry for your loss Jason, even though it's painful to think about her the cute and funny memories you've shared with us will keep Meira alive for you.

Personality wise your Meira reminds me of a dog that my mother used to own when she was a little younger, I hear and feel the deep love she had for him when she tells me stories of him.

His name was Cutter John but both my mom and dad called him Cutter, he was a Chow Sheppard mix and I unfortunately wasn't around when he was but as I said before I feel like I know him through my mother's memories of him.

I can't help but think about him and one of the humorous stories that my mother mentioned, I think like Meira that Cutter loved food he even went so far as to get some butter from out of the garbage can one time.

It didn't agree with his stomach though and you can probably guess what happened after he ate it.

I feel like I knew Cutter even though I wasn't around to love and play with him the way my mother did and in some way I think of him as my dog too.

Thanks for sharing your fond memories of your wonderful pet.

Rest in peace Meira.

Gabrielle.

Jason W Baccaro said...

Thank you everyone! :) Cynthia! Gabby! Di! Lexi H! Your kind words and also sharing your own stories makes me so thankful, and happy. It is so beautiful when others can relate to your pain. I wish I could hug you all in person right now. :)

Anna Dase said...

I am so sorry for your loss and you are right I have cats and I call them my babies they are not even treated like pets they are my kids. When I was growing up I had a cat and she ended up dying of a liver disease which I was told was common in Persian Cats. I swore up and down I would ever get another cat because her loss broke my heart, but after having my daughter my hubby and I decided to go ahead and get another cat and we ended up getting 2 sisters that the owner was going to have put down because the mother of the litter died and the kittens were not yet weened. So we took them and nursed them and now well they are our babies.

Yvette said...

So sorry for your loss...
Yvette
Yratpatrol@aol.com

Mel B said...

I am very sorry for your loss. We have a Krunchy dog waiting on us in heaven. He left us in August. We miss him dearly. He was a Shephard/Chow mix. A stray that was barely alive when we found him. He was so much a part of our family. Our other dog misses him just as much. Hemi is receiving twice as much love. We will get another dog, but now right now. I just don't have in me yet. But when we do, we will get another rescue dog. There is so much love there!
Our thoughts are with you.
Mel

Brandy B aka Brandlwyne said...

Oh I am soooo sorry for your lose *sniff sniff* I love my puppy he is a beagle/bassethound mix and is the greatest dog, he is sooo happy and gentle, likes everyone. He is our miracle doggie. He just survived a tornado 2 weeks ago when a shed collapsed on him. He was on The Weather Channel and Twitter. I couldn't bear to loose him so I will keep you all in my prayers.

~Brandy
brandyzbooks at yahoo dot com

Jason W Baccaro said...

Thank you all for your kinds words, and also sharing your stories. Hugs to Mel B, Brandy, Anna, and Yvette! BIG HUGS!!!

It's wonderful to fellowship with others who understand. :)

I don't think I'll ever be the same. I get so attached to certain creatures. She was my "daughter," and though the pain softens, it still never goes away. I am eager to get back her ashes. I want my Meira home with us, her "relics."

Linda said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Jason. It's amazing how much love one can have for & get from a beloved pet. THere's nothing more warm & wonderful than to come home to be greeted by one. I know it'll be hard to get over it but please be consoled thinking how happy she must have been in her years with you.

thumbelinda03@yahoo.com

msmjb65 said...

Hi, Jason:
Wow..*wiping tears from face* I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even tell you how much I can identify with you even though my toy poodle, Stanley, i still breathing and sitting at my feet as I write this. Stanley is my first dog and I got him over 13 years ago as an antidote for loneliness and making bad choices in boyfriends! He's the most amazing dog. He's also been very sick for a long time, although unless he's in a crisis, you would never know. He is the perennial puppy; no one can believe he is 13 or sick.

My tears really flowed when you described how she passed. Stanley was born with a neart murmur - quite common in toy poodles - but over the years it got worse and worse and his heart got bigger and bigger. I've seen an xray of this little guy's heart and it fills his entire chest cavity! How he is still with us and so happy and comfortable confounds my vet. He also has Addision's disease for many years. So, you said Lasix and I burst out inot tears! He's been on Lasix, along with a lot of other medication for years. The biggest battle we have is keeping his fluids balanced because the heart disease wants less fluid and the Addision's wants more (well, it's really his kidneys that need more fluid to flush them out, etc.)

Everyday for the past 6 months has been a gift. That is when we took his last xray that showed that my boy does indeed have the biggest heart ever. I honestly don;t know what I am going to do when he goes. The vet says that there's no way to tell when that will be. It could be years or days. He's always on the verge of congestive heart failure (probably what happned to Meira at the end, among other things) and he has this awful soudning cough because his wind pipe is being opushed up towards his spine by his heart. The sounds that he makes frighten me, but I know that he's not in pain and if he ever reaches that point, I will not allow him to suffer no matter how much I don't want him to go.

I almost didn't get Stanley all those years ago because the idea that he would pass way before me was too much to bear. But I am glad that I did get him. He did a similar thing to me when I went to pick out a puppy. I wsat on the floor and the breeder put 2 brothers down near me. One wandered off, but Stanley came right into the middle of my crossed legs, put his tiny little chin on my knee and went to sleep - his little head tipping left and right with each breath. It's been a lovefest ever since.

I really don't know how I will survive his passing. I have bee through very hard time with him being the only reason I fought to stay with the living. I'm in way better shape than those dark days and I wouldn't do anything to change that, but I just don't know how I'm going to be able to go to work and function - at least for a while. How has it been for you guys? I thank you for sharing your story even though it's made me sad. Meira sounded like a great dog - she was lucky to have such great humans!
Be well,
MJB
msmjb65 AT gmail DOT com
PS. Thanks for your generous giveaway!

~Ley said...

gosh dang it, you made me cry! That is a beautiful story, Jason. I just got my first pet as an adult, a Mini Rex rabbit name Laurel who loves to run in crazy circles on the carpet. Already I love him to death. Thanks so much for sharing.

Ashley E
ashley.vanburen[at]gmail[dot]com

booklover0226 said...

I'm sorry for your loss, too, Jason.

Like you and the other posters, I have been in the same situation and know your pain.

Through the tears and pain, you'll find laughter when you think of all the fun times you had with Meira.

Thanks,
Tracey D
booklover0226 at gmail dot com

Jason W Baccaro said...

msmjb65, I can easily tell by your post that you have a huge heart within you, and that you are either a very compassionate person, or you cling very closely to the creatures you form bonds with.

I know how you feel, about Stanley. You know, about a year ago I started getting concerned because of the age of my two girls. Still, I didn't think Meira would be passing into the next realm a year later. I know she lived a good, happy, and adventurous life. I'm glad I had given that to her, but I really miss her; the pain still aches, a lot. We had no idea her heart had become enlarged, no idea at all. But I’m relieved she didn’t hardly suffer at all, and that we got to say goodbye, (for now), and that she kissed my face with her husky tongue. We're getting her ashes back tomorrow, and I will feel better then, once we have her relics with us, and they will go wherever we go.

I know you love Stanley, and he loves you also. My mom has three toy poodles, and she also had a miniature poodle that passed away at 15. All I can say is what you already know, that just keep spending time with your Stanley, as much as you can, happily.

Like I had said toward the end of my story about Meira, many dogs never get a home, or are abused, but that didn't happen to Stanley because of you. You gave him (and are giving him) a wonderful home, and a rainstorm of love, that many others, unfortunately, miss out on. Rejoice in that my friend, rejoice in that. *BIG HUGS!!!* :)

Jason W Baccaro said...

Linda, Ley, and Booklover0226, thank you for your comments, thank you all very much. :)

VanillaOrchids said...

I am so very sorry for your loss, Jason. Needless to say, I'm crying after reading your story about Meira.

I absolutely know how you are feeling. The first pet that I had was a stray cat that showed up one day with an injured leg. Puddy had such an awesome personality. My family nicknamed him butthead. LOL When he wanted something, he'd come find me, look at me, turn around, glance back at me and then flick his tail. That was my cue to follow him to find out what he wanted. LOL Broke my heart when he died because I really felt like he was the only one that really loved me. He ended up with feline leukemia.

Pam

Jason W Baccaro said...

Hello, Pam. I'm sorry I made you cry. :( *Hugs* And I'm sorry about your loss also. I'm glad you found comfort in Puddy, or "butthead." :) Thank you for your comments and also for sharing your story. :)

J.W.Baccaro

Unknown said...

its never fun to lose a beloved... *hugs*

shadowestr@aol.com

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